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Don’t be Gay!

Posted on | June 1, 2006 | No Comments

Jared told me today that his brothers would be coming up on the 9th and at least one of them would be staying for a few days. The others would just be here for the night. Okay, this is no big deal. I’ve never met his brothers and it may be nice to see what they are like, or at least the one that I’ll see since I’ll be gone for part of that weekend.

Here’s where things go sour…

Jared tells me that he doesn’t want me acting gay around them. “Don’t be gay,” is pretty much what he said. I don’t recall if he used those words but that sure as Hell is what I heard. Well, actually, what I heard was more like “Don’t be you.” I’m also supposed to watch my language around them since they are Mormons. Okay, I can watch my mouth, as that’s typically what you do when you have company over, especially if it’s someone else’s company, but where the fuck does he get off telling me not to “be gay”?!?!

I’ve spent 27 years in the closet. I’m done with that. I am who I am and those that can’t handle it… well, that’s their tough shit. In my own home I will be me. I won’t be some image that he wants to project. His concern is that it will sour his community college graduation, which they are attending. He doesn’t want to get into some debate about gay rights or what have you.

I told him that if they said anything anti-gay they’d hear about it. I don’t want to hear comments like, “that’s so gay,” or any mean-spirited gay jokes. I have every right to expect guests in my home to treat me with respect. His younger brothers, whom I’m not likely to even see, are the ones that are most likely to say that kind of thing. The older one, who I may meet, isn’t likely, but he’s prone to get into debates about things such as homosexuality.

Jared was paranoid that I would suddenly start gaying up the place or something. First of all, I’m not obviously gay, unless I’m around my friends and “gay-it-up,” but around perfect strangers, I’m not going to do that. But I’m also not going to hide something that is so intrinsically a part of who I am.

I found his request so absolutely offensive. It was essentially a request for me to not be me. How does a friend ask a friend to do that? Seriously? I mean, I can understand him not wanting to have to explain to his narrow-minded sheltered family that he lives with a gay guy, but that’s not my problem. I know what it’s like to be in the closet, as he is with regards to living with a gay guy. But, again, that’s his issue, not mine.

I wouldn’t do anything to deliberately make his family uncomfortable, but I’m not going to pretend to be someone else. I’m not going to prance around the apartment in my tutu any more than I normally do. Come on! What the fuck!?

Oh, and he’s going to hide all of my DVDs which have a gay-theme (probably 30% of my movies). He might as well pretend that I don’t exist.

I’m annoyed, I’m offended, and I’m hurt by this request. And by requesting this of me, it’s put a bitter taste in my mouth toward meeting his family. I used to think of him as open-minded and supportive of “the gays.” Now I’m a little less sure.

So, what would you do if you were in my shoes?

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Category: Bitching, Friends

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