The Blog of The Dave

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He Hit Me First!

Posted on | August 5, 2007 | No Comments

I met Erik’s boyfriend (or as my mom refers to this man she never met, “Erik’s friend”) yesterday. Erik and I have been hanging out and going out to dinner a few times now and it seemed natural to meet his significant other, so we arranged it… sort of.

Last week my mom and I ate at Shakey’s, a restaurant I had missed greatly since moving away from the area. Now that I’m back in Enumclaw I can enjoy some Shakey’s every now and then again. I had mentioned to Erik that my mom and I were eating there and he got jealous and apparently mentioned it to his boyfriend. They then promptly decided that this would be where they were going to eat the following Saturday. The manner in which Erik mentioned this to me in the text message sounded almost like he was inviting me to go as well, so I made sure to get it clarified: It was just going to be the two of them, which is what I figured. I had to be sure though.

As the weekend approached I started craving Shakey’s again. I couldn’t remember when it was, exactly, that Erik and Darren would be going there but I wanted to ask Erik if he wanted to eat there with me. I sent him a text message, before inviting him, asking if he was going there this weekend or some other weekend. I tried to word it so that if it was this weekend I wouldn’t sound like I was inviting myself, which I didn’t want to do. I was only going to suggest that he and I go if he and Darren weren’t already planning on it.

Well, sure enough this was the weekend that they were going and Erik invited me to come along. I hemmed and hawed and explained that I didn’t want to invite myself and it seemed to me that’s what I just did. Well, I guess Erik didn’t feel that way. I was a bit concerned because Erik replied so quickly, inviting me, that I know he couldn’t have had time to ask Darren if it was okay if I came along. After texting back and forth I was assured that Darren had been asked and all was good. Alright then!

At some point during this conversation via text, or perhaps another conversation, I had made some sort of self-deprecating comment which Erik chastised me for, explaining that he punches people for doing that. Various pseudo-threats were passed back and forth and I eventually forgot all about it. I’ll get back to this in a moment.

On Saturday, at Shakey’s, I finally met the infamous Darren. They had gotten to the restaurant a little before I did and had already ordered for us. Erik called me while I was en route and asked what I wanted. Nice of him, huh? So, anyways, Darren turns out to be a very nice guy with a decent sense of humor. He likes to pick on Erik about as much as I do. Darren did seem a little distracted at the meal, or perhaps felt like a third wheel. I’m not sure. I always feel compelled to include everyone in a conversation so I felt bad that he, as far as I could tell, felt left out. I should have asked him a bunch of question but as Erik and I typically do, we rambled on and on about a whole lot of nothing and got carried away.

After eating we sat and BSed for a while, then we stood out by the cars for a bit and BSed for a bit longer. I had mentioned wanting to go to the Starbucks across the street so we planned to head over there, get something to drink… and BS for a bit more. While we were still talking in the Shakey’s parking lot, Erik punched my fucking arm! And it wasn’t like a little love tap kind of thing… I mean, I was thrown 50 feet back, and slid across the parking lot in slow motion bullet time. Okay, perhaps a slight exaggeration. It was only 49 feet. No bullet time.

I glared at him and he reminded me about the self-deprecation thing. I then decided to kick him but he moved, so instead of my foot hitting him nice and squarely in the shin, it grazed the outside of his calf, taking with it the top layer of skin. It was a sight to behold. Probably my proudest moment ever. Hmm… now that I think about it, the image anyone else probably saw of this exchange was more akin to a sissy bitch-slap-fest; purses flying in the cloud of glitter gathering around us. To me, it was more like a samurai movie. I think I even heard a Japanese flute.

After the altercation we went to Starbucks where Erik took to whining about his flesh wound. I lamented not having a pacifier with which to plug his whine-hole. Darren and I both gave Erik a hard time about, what was in Erik’s mind, a gaping, puss-filled, shark bite of a wound. I told Erik I’d apologize but he hit me first, though my arm felt fine. I offered to sign the damage as a memento but he didn’t go for it. I thought I was being generous. Pfft!

Darren seemed to be uncomfortable sitting at Starbucks. The chairs were hard and bothersome. He was squirming and distracted. I don’t think they had planned on spending hours of their day hanging out with me. Silly them for thinking that Erik and I could just sit, eat, and head on home like normal people. Ha!

Anyways, I had a good time. And perhaps Erik has learned his lesson about punching this Fag. Only time will tell.

<inside joke>
Two pump pony… one, a-tahoo, a-squee!
</inside joke>

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Category: Bragging, Daily Happenings, Family, Friends, Funny, Gay

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